Since we began this blog, I have striven to keep it a positive place. Whatever goes on behind the scenes has never made it's way on the screen. Today, though, I can't help but be honest and bring up what has been on my mind.
One of my main struggles has always been
trust. I'm terrible at it. I have two extremes: either I trust too easily (this happens with people) or I try to trust and end up taking my concerns back for myself (this happens with God). So here I am, facing my trust issues again. Oh, and then there is
fear. I'm not afraid of things you can see, the obvious like flying across an ocean, possibly getting a mosquito-born illness or being in a foreign country far from my family. Nope. Not afraid of those things. I'm actually excited at the prospect...well, ok, not the mosquito-born illness; but, I digress.
I am afraid I may not have the funds to be able to go to Africa. There, I said it.
I've had numerous conversations with my husband, my friends, and pastors. I've been prayed over, prayed for and given a stern talking-to. Problem is, that doggone fear keeps rearing it's ugly head and I'm not doing my due diligence to trust the Father to take care of it all. In theory, it should be easy, right? Take a look at the old "fall back and your friends will catch you" exercise. It sounds so simple. Just give it all up to God. I'm really trying and it's really hard.
I keep feeling down. I'm working really hard with the blog, organizing the
online auction, contacting churches, service groups, and media. Yet, here I am worrying like crazy that I'm not going to reach my fundraising goal and be able to go to Rwanda and Kenya. I'm in a unique situation, trying to establish my
practice here in a new town (we moved to Lethbridge from Medicine Hat in October). My husband works a couple of jobs with crazy schedules. It's not conducive to me finding work, though I have tried and tried. Folks have told me to be
patient, that it will come. (Yup, you guessed it! I also have difficulty with patience. Oy!)
Don't get me wrong, we have been so blessed! The support of my church family has been awesome! I feel so indebted to those who have donated in my stead already and, of course, to our
auction sponsors. I'm also so grateful for those in the media who have wanted to share our story. The fact is, we all have those down days. This is one of mine.
I'm thankful that I've been blessed to even know about what
Home of Hope is doing in Africa. I'm thankful that I have been able to share the plight of the widows and children there with more people. Even if I can't go there to touch them personally, I have to be thankful that maybe, just maybe I was able to make a difference by sharing their story and praying for them.
I don't exactly know how to close this post. It's not the greatest piece of literature you will ever read, but it's from my heart. I had to be honest. Please continue to pray for us and donate if you can. Most of all, please share the story of the women and children of
Home of Hope.
Thank you and God bless you!
Michelle
